One Homeless Night

This is my jump back into the blogging world. It has been too long.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

The Plan: We met at the church at 5pm on Saturday. We were ready to set out to walk to Columbian Park/The Cove to camp out for our homeless experience. I knew that this was going to be a miserable night but was looking for a learning experience. Call me crazy but I enjoy being forced to be greatful for something. The walk to the park was about 3 miles and has always seemed like such a short drive to me. The majority of us had piled on layers to keep warm for the coming night and we quickly began to sweat and shed layers. This was miserable. My feet began to get very sore from the long walk that I am unaccustomed to. My neck and back started aching (maybe it had something to do with being on my feet all day from the photo shoot I did earlier) from my backpack that I carried. It didn't seem heavy but it began to feel like a sack of bricks. The more I sweat the worse I felt. To be hot and sweaty and not be able to take more layers off but its cold outside is a weird feeling. We then got to our "camp", set up our "sleeping" spaces, and awaited 7am to come when we could get out of the cold and rain.

The Thoughts: I am a grazer. I prefer to not eat giant, whopping meals but to snack here and there. I figured this whole "no food for 14 hours" thing would be a peice of cake since I dont really get that hungry. Well, I didn't get hungry. A group of teens went off to beg and to experience what a humbling thing it would be to plead with someone to feed you. A couple guys were turned away at one establishment (which we won't name) and another joint gave them a to-go container full of fries. These are teenagers...everyone knows how teenagers eat. If you open a container of ANYTHING, they FLOCK; grabbing and stuffing food down as fast as humanly possible. These guys walked into our huddle of "homeless" people and said "We only have enough for everyone to get 2 fries." I felt something I never felt before. I actually felt sad! I looked around at everyone taking their two fries and some of them nibbling and some enhaling. I felt blessed that I was important enough to receive ANY fries....let alone 2. I also felt grateful to our "providers" who received a blessing and witheld from chowing them all themselves and brought back to us. What a selfless act.

I do not hate many things. One thing I hate....is to be cold. After the long walk I was very appreciative of the cool breeze. I was hot. Then something interesting happened. I was still sweating a little from the layers but the cold breeze with the sweat...made me REALLY cold. So I put on another sweatshirt. Still cold. I put on my coat. Still cold. I put on my hat, ear muffs, two pairs of gloves and a scarf. I was semi-warm. For a little bit. Within an hour I realized that it didn't matter how many layers I had on. It was raining and there was enough wind that it was blowing the rain on us and there wasn't really anywhere to go to get out of it. The rain was cold and it was only 40 degrees out or so. I had on at least 4 layers and a blanket and was frigid.

Aaron and I had scoped out a spot to sleep where we thought it would block some of the wind. This was an interesting experience. I am going to say these next thoughts with the understand that God is ultimate in all things. My husband is my provider. He is my comfort, my security, and my shelter. If I need something, I know he will provide. He is my hero. There we lay on the very cold concrete with only a 1/2 centimeter of cardboard to cushion. I am wrapped up in his arms and still shivering from the thorough cold. I had been unable to fall asleep for what seemed to be several hours. I had curled up into a little ball trying to keep warm and without knowing it had tensed every muscle in my body for too long. I now had a bit of a charlie-horse problem in all my muscles. I looked at my husband and realized....he is trying the best he can to keep me warm and there is simply nothing more one can do. It was the most helpless feeling in the world to know there were no more options and my husband had no more resources for me. It then hit me like a semi that our sense of security is a joke. It doesn't matter where you are in life; it can be taken away as quickly as it came and you can be left with NOTHING to comfort you but your thoughts and God.

I stood up to stretch out my muscles because they were sore. I looked around the cold, misting, empty waterpark and felt very lonely. I thought everyone was asleep from me. I am the one praying for sleep but it will not find me. I decided to go for a walk hoping to warm up when my husband looked up and asked me if he could come too. I guess I wasn't alone in my non-slumber after all. We walked around one of the buildings and saw Josh Crabtree and Ray Nipper. We just stood there with them for a while. None of us really talked....we just waited together. Waited to go home. I felt increasingly lonely even with these people standing around. I thought....the only thing keeping me going with this...is the thought of going to church and then heading home at 7am. What would the hopelessness feel like to NOT have that thought? To think....this will be my life tomorrow too. Friends of ours, Billy & Stacy Spencer, told Aaron & I a story once about a homeless friend. He was mentally handicapped. He had been severely beaten as a child by his father with an extension chord and had severe scars. He was homeless and had no money. Bill tells the story of when he heard him sing the line, "The Lord has not failed me yet."

FIN